Scotland on the brink of independence?

Posted by on Jan 11, 2012 in Scottish Beer | One Comment

What would Mel drink?

Scotland is dominating the news agenda at the moment – so either the national team has just lost to San Marino, or it’s something to do with independence. The thorny I-word has appeared again, dragging itself onto the front pages like a mythical sea monster emerging from the Highlands. The SNP administration at Holyrood is locked in a battle with the Con-Dem coalition in Westminster. At stake – the future of the Union. Will the Scots people be given a referendum? Will the vote be Yes, or No?* And more importantly – what effect will Scottish independence have on beer?

If granted the chance to ‘run our own affairs’ (as the SNP mantra has been for the past thousand years) – this could have a critical impact on brewing north of the border. Recently we’ve been looking to the future – with our beery predictions for 2012, and then our list of breweries to look out for over the next twelve months. So delving even further into the BeerCast crystal ball – here’s what could happen to our beloved beverage if Scotland pulls away from the Union…



2012
Scottish First Minister Alec Salmond rejoices after David Cameron’s gamble backfires spectacularly. Given the referendum sooner rather than later, Salmond picks the date to co-incide with the Olympic track cycling. Chris Hoy wins another five gold medals, and Scotland votes for separation faster than a Branflake-powered knight of the realm. Salmond celebrates with a Punk IPA atop Edinburgh Castle, but mistakenly picks one brewed in London.

2013
The UK Government re-instates the 1725 Malt Tax, forcing Scottish brewers and distillers to become more creative. Keg beer production soars, Scott and Bruce Williams become leaders of a tartan-clad brewing underground movement, adding Tunnocks teacakes to every boil. Caledonian recalls all casks of Deuchars IPA from England – MolsonCoors step into the void, and Sharp’s Doom Bar appears in every pub south of the border. Their CEO gets a knighthood.

2014
President Salmond toasts the 700th anniversary of the battle of Bannockburn with a Scottish sauvignon blanc, global warming having really taken hold. Citizens of the People’s Republic of Scotland drink heather and juniper-infused wheatbeer on pavement cafés from Dunbar to Inverness. The SNP coax Rob Hill from his Orkney realm, and appoint him brewmaster laureate. BrewDog relocate to Wales in a fit of pique.

2015
The Labour party win a landslide in the UK general election, despite David Cameron banning Scots from voting. President Salmond congratulates Prime Minister Balls, sending him a keg of Black Isle 80/Euro. The new Labour administration removes anti-bootlegger barriers at the Scottish border. As a result, Scotland returns to the fold of the UK. Wales becomes independent. BrewDog relocate to the Isle of Man.

*Rumour has it Alec Salmond has requested ballot papers to list the options as AYE!!! or Naw.

1 Comment

  1. Hairy Monster
    January 14, 2012

    It’s all just a continuation of the daft beer devolution.

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