e-Berater – don’t get ticked off, get even

Brewers! Ever cautiously looked yourself up on RateBeer, only to punch the drywall through into the grist store in frustration? Has checking out the scores of your latest beer caused you to wonder whether a peracetic flamethrower rampage would be considered justifiable homicide? Don’t suffer in silence, or take it out on the third assistant relief brewer – help is now at hand!

e-Berater is your RateBeer right of reply service – set up by Brewers, for Brewers!

Sure, we all know that without beer fans, brewers are nothing – but that doesn’t mean you have to put up with what nothing beer fans are saying about your hard work, does it? Yet what can you do? Invite them for a collab brewday and ‘accidentally’ elbow their smartphone into the mash? Tip Carafa Type III into the fuel tank of their Smart car whilst they are helping themselves to t-shirts in your brewery shop? No – get even the e-Berater way. But how does it work?

Simple – e-Berater is a forum that lets you highlight and dissect the contrived utterances of keyboard superheroes up and down the land. Had a spectacularly off-target summation of your new saison? Share it with your peers on e-Berater. Everyone else on the forum knows, and feels, your pain. Has ‘MaxxPint’ pissed you off yet again with his/her continual failing to grasp that hops aren’t a right, they are a privilege? Get it all off your XXL poloshirted chest on e-Berater. After all, who has more ears than a field of barley?

e-Berater is a resource. Think of the forum as a fully-functional database of all the poorly-spelled, anodyne and factually incorrect statements the tick-junkies compile. But it is more than just a sounding board. As part of our revolutionary service, for a small fee we can automatically filter these moleskine menaces from your RateBeer profile. Each time you then log-in to check how the drinking public perceive your new porter, all you’ll see is actual constructive commentary from people who know more than the brewery cat.

But that’s not all!

As part of our online service, we also keep a real-time list of those sip-twats whose comments are the most ridiculous, ranked in order of the clueless. You can see this list anytime you log in, on our homepage. So, when your lovingly lagered Vienna is dismissed as being ‘too sweet and cluoying’ [sic], you know, just by consulting our hit-list, that the opinions of ‘BeeryKev89’ need be given as much consideration as an email from a Ukrainian label collector.

But don’t take our word for it! Here’s a selection of testimonials…

“At first, I used to dread going onto RateBeer when we put a new beer out. But e-Berater has taken all the worry out. How? Well, it filters out the dickwad comments from utter tossers. Oh, sorry, I mean ‘feedback from first-day festival goers'” Brian R. (North Yorkshire)

“It’s a two-way street, man. They unload on us – why shouldn’t we unload on them? Having the support of fellow brewers on the forum makes this possible. I mean, I didn’t make an Amarillo Pale Ale so one-pint wonders can wrongly pick out pine aromas from it, did I?” Alex (West Midlands)

“I love making beer. And I love people drinking my beer. What don’t I love? People marking my beer down because it’s not an imperial stout” Michelle (Bristol)

“I think e-berater is an interesting concept. Anything that fosters interaction between two concomitant groups should be encouraged; particularly as many within the brewing community often feel unable to respond in kind. In many ways, we brewers are marooned on islands, singular entities, and technology is the thing that will reverse the tide and allow us all to walk towards whatever Utopian horizon is out there.” Evin (London)

“HOPPY AND MALTY ISN’T A THING, YOU PRICK!!!!” Jeff R. (London)

e-Berater – don’t hate the raters. Rate the Raters.

If you’d like to upgrade to e-Berater Platinum, we will send you a personalised list of your most pointlessly obtuse or incorrect reviews for the office dartboard. For a small charge, this can be laminated for testing the pressure washer. Our system is fully compatible with the Nokia 3210.