It takes all types of beer drinkers – but which are you? Why not take this simple beer quiz, and find out?
Q1. What does ‘Craft Beer’ mean?
A – No idea. Isn’t all beer crafted? Machines don’t make it, do they? Or do they?
B – Beer brewed with integrity, honesty and high-quality ingredients by dedicated men and women.
C – Keg beer. Rightly placed out of reach at the back of the bar, where it should stay.
D – Sorry, can’t answer that for the moment; just looking up the financial accounts of this brewery before I order a schooner. Look! They are 3% owned by Farmfoods! I knew it!! #TwitterBoycott!!!
Q2. Canned beer is…
A – The Bud I drink at barbecues when the bottled Bud runs out?
B – Starting to have a real impact in craft beer sales in the UK, finally!
C – Handy, as the widgets give you a decent beer whilst waiting for Spoons to open at 9:30am.
D – A trend I correctly predicted five years ago; and I have the email correspondence with Logan Plant to prove it!
Q3. How do you celebrate #IPADay?
A – Err…what’s that?
B – Have a couple of India Pale Ales, get the Untappd badge, fire off a few tweets. Y’know, the usual.
C – I don’t have an iPad?
D – Pah! It’s a big-beer sponsored conspiracy to thwart the growth of craft beer by attempting to impose only a single style!! If this movement is to become mainstream, each one approved by the BJCP should have its own hashtag and day of celebration! As I was telling James Watt only the other day, I…
Q4. An acquaintance asks for a Guinness during your round. What do you say to them?
A – Sure! Their adverts are cool, aren’t they? I’ll stick to the Fosters, though, when it’s your round. Cheers.
B – Yeah, no problem. I should order it first though, as obviously Guinness takes a while to settle and the bartenders appreciate the heads up. Oh, and I guess I should take the glass back afterwards, as well.
C – Get stuffed! What is it, £4 a pint or something? For a gassy mild? On my round, we stick to Trumpeter’s Old Cocklobber, thank you. Master Daniel! Same again, my young chap, when you get a minute!
D – When you say ‘Guinness’, do you mean the common yet inferior nitro version, or the rarer yet far superior bottled Foreign Export Stout? In either case, it’s a no – I’m afraid – I’ve already DM’d my order to Danny. The wifi password? It’s the OG of Dark Star Hophead. You don’t need me to remind you what it is, do you…?
Q5. What is your pub snack of choice?
A – Golden Wonder! Or maybe a packet of dry-roasted.
B – The Scotch Eggs in here are good. Bargain too, at £6.50.
C – Scratchings, dear boy! Need to use the good tooth, mind.
D – How could I possibly select a ‘snack’ before I’d chosen a beer? Like I should randomly pick a cut of Ibérico first? What if I fancied a Cascadian Dark Ale with over 25% Tomahawk in the hopload? You can’t pair that with Ibérico!! Oh, Dredge said you can? Page 81? No – haha, of course I knew that!
Q6. What is the Bermondsey Mile?
A – That notorious stretch of the London Marathon course?
B – A selection of ultra-cool urban breweries for weekend drinking, all helpfully near each other.
C – A selection of over-priced upstart breweries for general avoidance, all helpfully near each other.
D – Pfft – what are we, 2013? It’s all about the Hackney Hectare.
Q7. Music in pubs should be
A – Turned up!
B – At the landlord’s prerogative, of course. We are but guests.
C – Taken as a sign they don’t want my custom.
D – There’s music in here? I never noticed. Hey, look! Buxton’s new Imperial Berliner-Saison!
Q8. What do you think of BrewDog?
A – Oh, the guys from the telly? Their beers are Ok, I guess. Strong though!
B – You can’t deny they’ve done a huge amount for British beer
C – I totally deny they’ve done anything for British beer
D – AB:04 or fuck off.
Q9. Cask or keg?
A – It’s your round? Awesome! Kronenburg, thanks
B – Well, that depends on the beer, of course! Both has its place.
C – Cask. I don’t drink out of dustbins, sealed or otherwise.
D – Impossible to answer. I consult my Perfect Serve Matrix ™ – it cross-references RateBeer, Cask Marque and Trip Advisor, breaking down every beer in the world by how it deserves to be served, versus how I will receive it, should I order one here.
Q10. What’s your preferred beer glass?
A – Pint! What else is there? Oh, halves. Yeah. Darren was on the halves the other week, on account of his antibiotics.
B – Glassware is important, no question. I’ve got a tasting chalice at home, which looks good in my Instagram uploads.
C – The same one I’ve been using for forty years? Yes, it attaches to my belt; here, here and here.
D – Pint! Ha, no, just joking. It hasn’t been invented it yet.
So, which beer quiz answers did you select?
Mostly A – Congratulations! Drinking for you is a pleasure, a way to relax from the day and reinforce relationships with your friends. It also helps makes all those kebabs more appealing.
Mostly B – Congratulations! You are a sensitive, worthy modern craft beer drinker. Crack open a can and bask in the knowledge our brewers personally have you in mind each time they pull on the Puroforts.
Mostly C – Congratulations! Drinking for you is also a pleasure, just one that nobody else can contribute to or ever hope to understand. After all, if it wasn’t for you, these kids wouldn’t have the money for their £9 thimbles of grapefruity piss, eh?
Mostly D – You know gin is really where it’s at, though, don’t you?