Beer festivals: where will they be held next?
Last week, it was announced that the Urban Sessions festival intends to host a beer, food and music gathering in an old, refurbished, swimming baths in Hackney, East London. With the already-established IndyMan festival in Manchester’s Victoria Baths set to come round again in October, Urban Sessions has become the second new independent beer event to find a home in abandoned swimming pools. As modern beer festivals move away from the traditional ‘church-hall’ style, where else could they end up? We break down some of the possibilities…
Deep Space Freighter
Rusting space hulks certainly have plenty of room for a beer festival, and also feature lots of different levels so beloved of modern day, indie fests. So, no need to cram everyone inside a single hall – although with hanger bays, that is still an option. Also, beers can be served under (artificial) gravity. However, standard issue space marine exploration suits don’t come in XXL, plus there’s that small chance of total attendee loss due to a rampaging xenomorph. Also, in space, no one can hear you Tweet.
Sample Beers:-
Bug Hunt Brewery ‘Facehugger’ Black IPA,
Rebel Alliance/Imperial Brewing Co ‘Let the Wookie Win’ Walnut Porter (collaboration)
World War II Battlefields
Pre-festival aerial bombardment guarantees old-media publicity, particularly in the Daily’s Mail and Express. With watches synchronised, festival-goers have no excuse not to miss the last troop-transport home. Plus, the trench system ideally lends itself to a ‘cask trench’ and ‘keg trench’, with no-mans land in between. The trouble is, authentic WWII battlefield catering probably wouldn’t be up to scratch; ‘pulled pack mule’ not wowing the crowds. Danger of trenchfoot for the CAMRA stalwarts, whereas fauxhawks and ironic jewellery give away hipsters’ positions.
Sample Beers:-
Bayonet Brewing ‘Steely Glint’ Stout,
Senseless Slaughter Brewery ‘Wit of their Eyes’
Repossessed Banks
Pros – Easy to get to, having decent, central locations across many of our once-prosperous town centres. Subterranean vault ideal for positioning kegged beers, as they are, of course, more expensive. Pens on chains encouraging old-school blogging. Cons – Yes, they apparently are.
Sample Beers:-
Fred the Shred Ales [Ltd] ‘We’re All In This Together’ Black IPA (1%),
Angry Mob Brewing Co ‘Boarded Windows’ Brown
Abandoned Mines
No problems with having to set up a cooling system here – every beer should be at perfect cellar temperature. Plus, there’s a ready supply of fuel for authentic street-food vendors; ‘Uncle Buck’s Coal-Fired Taco Shack’. Reinforced mine walls and ceiling are ideal for keeping brewers’ egos in check. Of course, the combination of intoxicating liquor and heavy machinery isn’t ideal, plus someone will have to clean out the canary’s cage. And there’s the constant temptation to act out the Indiana Jones ‘mine-cart’ scene.
Sample Beers:-
Pesky Kids Brewery ‘Site Foreman’s Ghost Ale’,
Fools Gold Brewing ‘See you later, losers!’ Amber [note, not real ale]
Disused Prisons
No accusations of favouritism, as each brewery gets the same sized space in which to set up. The ultimate ‘collaboration’ brew could be arranged. BrewDog could be sent to ‘the hole’ (which they would turn into supreme marketing triumph, of course). However, ‘Meet the Brewer’ events could potentially be far more intimate than either party would wish for.
Sample Beers:-
Lights Out Brewing Co ‘Unpleasant Surprise’ Double IPA
Yard Brewery ‘Dusty Trouserleg’ Porter
Shipwrecks
They may be at the bottom of the sea, but sunken boats are perfect festival venues for the keg-curious; all beers served scuba-style, via CO2. For the all-important (these days, at least) food-pairings, the seafood buffet is probably as fresh as you can get. Plus, CAMRA’s top-secret U-Boat project could finally pay off (supreme irony; CAMRA members inside a pressurised container). Mind you, in terms of beer quality, some oxidation is inevitable (assuming patrons would want to breathe whilst drinking). Also, the inevitable ‘jumping the shark’ comments might lead to tragedy.
Sample Beers:-
Angry Octopus ‘Feel the Beak’ Berliner Weisse,
Blackbeard’s ‘Rusty Cutlass’ [rum-barrel aged edition]
Outdated MMORPG’s
A virtual beer festival requires little cleaning up, which is a major plus point. BitCoin can be directly tradeable into beer festival tokens. Halo Grunts in yellow shirts well-placed to act as stewards; also as cannon-fodder. Potential for disaster – punters forgetting which button has been mapped to ‘request chicken pasty’, and accidentally grenading the cask bar (A-M). Cider griefers hacking the mainframe. Festival ends at 11pm when parents unplug the computer.
Sample Beers:-
Easy Brewing Concern [China] ‘Level 20’ Light Lager,
Covenant Brewing Co ‘Lousy Ending’ Steam Beer
Closed Pubs
Finally, the ultimate in modern, craft-forward, irony; holding beer festivals in some of the thousands of empty British pubs. Partitions could be added to create even more on-trend ‘micro-pubs’. You could also have the ultimate in cask versus keg – one boozer for each, wrecking ball on-site; whoever takes the least money is immediately demolished. Of course, your song still won’t have come on the jukebox by then.
Sample Beers:-
Freehouse Beer Company ‘Piss Off PubCo’ Pale,
Craft Keg Brewing’s ‘Can’t we all get along?’ Indian Black Saison Eisbock (bottle only)
